I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me by Jerold Kreisman

⭐

Rating: 0.5 out of 5.

Title: I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me
Author: Jerold J. Kreisman & Hal Straus
Year of Publication: 1991
Series: NA
Series #: NA
Goodreads Rating (Avg.): 3.81
Goodreads Rating (Mine): 0.5

Cover Art for I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus

TW: Discussion of self harm, child sexual abuse, intimate partner violence, homophobia, racism, misogyny, transphobia, and prejudice against sex workers, among other things

Synopsis: An attempt by a psychiatrist to explain Borderline Personality Disorder – widely seen as the standard textbook on BPD. It’s also absolute and utter garbage.

On the one hand, I never want to see another non-fiction book written by some white dude again. On the other hand, books like I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me are widely used psychiatric bibles, and when I’m seeing psychiatrists, I do want an idea of where they’re coming from, and what nonsense they’re currently trying to force down my throat.

Self-mutilation—except when clearly associated with psychosis—is the hallmark of BPD.

In the latter sense, I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me was extremely illuminating. It, for example, explains why so many doctors in India jump to BPD as a diagnosis as soon as they hear self harm, without ever applying any sort of diagnostic criteria based test.

In probably a response to criticism over the years, the edition I read has hastily attempted to whitewash some aspects of its nonsense. The preface says that the repetitive use of “the borderline” and “borderlines” is simply shorthand, and not in fact a reflection of the author’s ingrained prejudices.

Some writers have noted an increased incidence of homosexuality, bisexuality and sexual perversions among borderline personalities.

Shut the FUCK up.

To put it simply, the author is deeply misogynistic, homophobic, racist, and prone to dehumanisation of his patients.

He repeatedly evaluates female patients in terms of their attractiveness, and uses words like harridan and hag to refer to them when they are being less than perfectly likeable. He thinks the “modern” world is causing and/ or worsening BPD due to its “lack of structure” and “traditional family and gender roles”. He thinks that a black woman who is annoyed at the constant whitewashing of everything is being unreasonable as a result of BPD. And that homosexuality, bisexuality, ‘sexual perversions’, sex work and ‘changing’ one’s gender are all symptoms of BPD. Oh, and people with BPD are also weak willed, lacking in empathy, and prone to brainwashing by cults.

I also do not fucking understand why old timey (white, male) psychiatrists insist on referring to sexual abuse inflicted on children (by family members) as incest. The incest is the least important aspect of the situation, and yet these geezers manage to somehow insinuate a consensual aspect to this kind of abuse.

In addition to the above mentioned criticisms, the same problems that afflict Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder apply here as well. Just doctors and therapists being trash and putting it on display for the whole world to validate.

The last part of the book thankfully eases up on all of the above, as it dives into a way more objective and hopeful look at how BPD treatment typically works out, and combats some of the more depressing statistics (albeit in a feeble way). But just those sections alone cannot save this horror story from the garbage heap of history.

In short, a toxic, horrifyingly prejudiced mess of a book that is more concerned with safeguarding the emotions of the therapist than of their patient. And yet it continues to be recommended everywhere as a staple for BPD awareness. Zero stars. Also, burn this book.

Next: Six of Crows #2 (Grishaverse #5) – Crooked Kingdom